Hopeless cries.

So tomorrows my esscb paper and here i am lying on bed with totally no 8dea what that module is about. My minds blank. My minds blocked. I dont know how to study for this. Theres no study scope just slides to remember. I couldnt understand a single thing. Did i try too hard? Set a goal for myself thinking that it was impossible. But i really want to pull my gpa up. Jow bad can this be. And can you imagine. If my other modules were alright-done then i fail this, then itll be like 0 credit and pull everything down. Whats worse  i have to repeat a year later. Yes. 2 semesters later during year 3 eith ipp and tep. Oh fuck. Im just fucking tired now. Hopefully ill wake up to a more motivated me. The more cheerful and positive one.

Pissed.

You want your marks, but you don't want to work.
Sourcing for shortcuts here and there is what people are really good at these days.
It makes me wonder if there's anything real.
I shouldn't be wasting time here.
But I need help.
You can work? Oh yeah, shortcut lor.

IvyGYY

Moving on.

Left with no reasons, I left. Slowly taking babysteps away. I left. Almost. But I don't know why the train suddenly reversed. Was it something that scared me off from walking straight. What caused me to run back? I'm lost. I'm confused. What am I feeling? I've always lost in these games. I want to win this time. I tried so hard. I almost succeeded. Putting up a strong front. Chucking all the questions I wanted to ask to the back of my mind. Slowly, one after another. I can't stop the questions anymore. I need to stop. I need to move.

Move on. To the next station, or at least. Towards the next, to the future. A better one. 

thosewords.theyhurtsomuch.meansomuch.theresuddenlywasafeelingofhatred.

You knew me best, I bet you don't. I knew you best, I 'm sure I don't.

Hate is always easier to put down than love. 

Hit Rock Bottom

Everything's just not feeling right anymore. Feels like I knew nothing from the start.

Maybe I should have kept everything in. I shouldn't have let loose. 

I don't know how to pick myself up again. I don't know where went wrong, what went wrong.

Maybe I was the wrong one. 

-IvyGYY

Worst Ever.

I surely won't forget about today's performance, and of course the rehearsal.

4 full runs straight plus practise in the evening, yesterday. How embarrassing it is to have a sound guy to come up to you and tell you that you need to go back for individual practise. Although I was rather pissed about him coming up to me. I mean, damn. You could come and try see if you can memorise and play the whole piece plus the gimmicks in less than 2 weeks. I was really glad to be chosen to play for stools, but was a little pressured to get everything memorised and the choreography synchronized with the other stool players. Plus we didn't get to warm up before the rehearsals. Okay, nevermind. Leave the rehearsals aside.

The performance was a total disaster. There was supposed to be a few people on standby to escort the minister, but they weren't on standby when the minister arrived. Not only that. Nobody knew how the minister looked like. Damn joke. And the worst of the worst was while our teacher in charge came over to asked if any one knew how the GOH looked like, he arrived, pass-by us and walked into the atrium himself, and then the event's in charge was like " I think he's the one". I was like 'Gosh, are you kidding me.' I was expecting her to tell us to just skip the escorting part or do a proper intro, rara thing. But, NO. We were asked to catchup when the minister was already reaching the centre of the atrium. Embarrassing moment. Really. 

But nevermind. I'm pleased with my performance today for stools, given the amount of preparation time.

I'm glad I put in effort. I'm glad that I tried my best.

------
This horoscope thing is too true, its starting to creep me out..... 
-IvyGYY

HaiBye.

Hi, and Bye!
Go listen to my new cover~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pedwy8Tl9HE




I will be back, very soon~

-IvyGYY

Just a lil'

Some pictures to keep this little space alive..

From last weekend.

Monday, out shopping with mum.

Today. Out to sing with polymates then decided to pop by school for junior practise, BUT, kind of regretted it. 

I know that everyone's been complaining about the haze and all, but I really cannot tahan already! I was like coughing and panting while I strolled to school. Like really stroll stroll. Even slower than my usual stroll. (For those who always walk with me should know how slow I usually walk)  

Then I finally reached the bandroom and tada, only three was there. I was like "Huh.. Why nobody come?" Dang. But aiyah, nevermind lah. Chucking that naggy thoughts to the back of my head, practise a little sight reading on mallets and snare, and rot the time off. 

So here is. A picture while waiting for the leaders to finish their revision. 

-IvyGYY